Trust and Intimacy: The Elixir of Professional Coaching

Coaching is a professional partnership between a coach and a client in an empowering environment. The purpose of any form of coaching is to bring about lasting changes in beliefs, and thus accompanying behaviors. This is best achieved when the client has unconditional trust and fail-safe intimacy. This is easier said than done! Trust can be held as the most basic of all coaching elements. With given trust, intimacy in the coaching relationship grows so that the client can share their vulnerabilities with the coach and, more importantly, turn those insights into potent tools to embrace newer beliefs and behaviors.

The coaching relationship is just like any other form of professional engagement in the sense that the client expects clear outcomes and holds the coach responsible for helping them improve on identified behaviors. This coaching journey is expected to be a process of revelation for both the coach and the client. Trust and intimacy in the coaching relationship act as elixir. Neither of the parties explicitly talks and works towards creating trust; however, the subtleties and unspoken chemistry weave in the magic. Many years back a business leader spoke to me about coaching as a relationship where coaches do not need to exert themselves as a “coach” and compared the process as a gentle breeze of air which you could feel only. How subtle is the metaphor! A coaching process doesn’t have to be an act of “looking into the eyes,” but of excellence in spontaneity and flow—both for the client and coach.

When a coach invites a client to be their true self and go-inside, really deep, so as to establish a strong connect with life’s purpose and values, the coaching process is in the full bloom. The fragrance of this evokes the client to reveal the inner resources and options which were hitherto untapped by the client. The coach primarily does this by asking powerful questions and listening deeply. Coaches are non-judgmental and allow the client to explore and express natural gifts and talents. This is the moment where new resources are explored, and the client is made more resourceful by none other than themselves. A coach fully shares the client’s agenda and is prepared to be vulnerable together. In essence, they’re co-creating the coaching relationship being equal partners in the process.

The following actions of the coach would help create an atmosphere of trust and intimacy with the client.

1)Establishing a Coaching Agenda

Begin with the end in mind, where the client clearly articulate the goals of engagement, the measures of success and the respective roles that the client and the coach have in the coaching relationship. This will make the whole process transparent, and the partnership established from the word “go.” A coach is not a consultant, a mentor, a trainer or a psychologist. This basic step will create the right expectations for the coaching process.

2) (Deep) Listening with Intent to Understand the Client

As a coach, you can do a great service to yourself and the client by using deep listening without being judgmental. Holding the client in all faith and fairness is the first step towards creating an element trust. Providing the client a fail-safe environment in order to explore their vulnerabilities and be truthful with themselves will signal that the client has all the necessary resources to bring about the desired changes. In this way, the coach respects the client’s agenda without imposing their own. After all, coaching is a process of guided self-discovery. Being fully present in the moment and having flow with the client come from deep listening.

3) Never Divulge Any of the Client’s Information

The coach receives all information from the client with deep humility and confidence. By revealing himself, the client is holding the coach in great responsibility and making both of them vulnerable in the process. They are equal partners in the process. The coach has deep faith and trust in the process while client has in deep faith and trust in the coach.

4) Actively Create a Safe Place for the Client

Each strand in a coach’s communication, verbal and nonverbal, creates a safe place to be in no matter what the current state is. This fail-safe atmosphere encourages the client to delve deeper inside without explicitly being asked to do so. This is the beginning of recognizing the current pattern and then, in a thought-provoking manner, the coach asks the client to interrupt that pattern. This non-judgmental and empathetic act of the coach helps the client move forward in the process of guided self-discovery and initiate permanent change of belief and behavior.

5) Be Explorative, Not Prescriptive, in Your Approach

The coach must respect the client’s view of the situation and doesn’t exhibit any signs of their own interests or views of the situation. The coach begins the coaching journey being ignorant of the client’s state and trusts the process of coaching for guided self-discovery of the client and enlightenment as a coach. The coach is ready to explore their own vulnerabilities for the coaching relationship to flourish. The coach is ready to explore possibilities and empowers the client to decide for themselves. A coach often seeks permission to venture into a client’s deep-seated environment and behaviors.

While these behaviors from the coach will ensure that the trust takes root in the coaching process, these are to be demonstrated throughout the engagement. With trust and intimacy, the client is in the driver’s seat in the journey of guided discovery for a lasting change.